Review: Match.com Event

A few weeks ago my friend dragged me out to a Match.com event with her. Since I’m forever single, I figured I should really go and try and meet someone.

It was held at a Brewery. I love beer, so of course I’d love to meet someone who loves beer as well. And if I didn’t meet anyone, at least I’d enjoy some good beer, right?

The day began with a hilarious Uber ride in a swank Mercedes, quite possibly the nicest car I’ve ever been inside in my entire sad life. Of course, the driver got lost in the wilds of Etobicoke. Then, to make things more complicated, the entrance to the brewery was hidden in the back of the building, and we had to cruise around a strange industrial area until we found it.

We walked inside, arriving ten minutes before the event was supposed to start. The email said to be there right at 2 p.m., because the brewery tour would start exactly at 2!

Wrong.

There was nobody there. I was expecting someone from Match to be a host greeting us at the door and telling us what to do. But there was nobody there. So we went outside and hung out in the parking lot for a bit.

We decided to go back inside after awhile, and suddenly the bar area was packed! We had been sitting near the front entrance, so how did these people get here? Apparently they also got lost, and entered through the back door. Hilarious.

We stood by the back wall for a few minutes trying to figure out what to do. Eventually we put it all together and went up to the bar to get a name tag and our complimentary beer sampler. We took a seat at the large table in the middle and two men joined us. We introduced ourselves and talked about which beers we liked best. As this was our first Match event, we asked if they’d ever been to one before. They both said they go to Match events often when they don’t have any plans.

They were nice enough and I’m glad we managed to mingle a bit, which is the whole point of the event. I thought it was kinda sad that other people were just sitting alone. Trust me, I am the shyest person ever, but the whole point is to try to meet someone at a Match event.

romantic date night GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon-source

Eventually a brewery worker gathered us together and took us on a tour of the brewery. To be honest, I’ve toured a few breweries and they’re all kinda the same. This one was interesting though because it’s still an independent brewery and the small team share duties, everything from front desk admin stuff to sticking the labels onto the beer bottles. The tour guide was really cool and fun to listen to. (Was he single?)

After the tour, the group gathered again at the bar for another drink. Me and my friend hung around the bar and chatted with one of the guys we met, and then another guy joined our group. The conversation bored me as the men started talking about condo construction, and then I had to use the restroom.

When I came back, everyone was gone!

Everyone!

Ok, not everyone. But practically everyone from the event had left. The two guys we had been chatting with had also left. The only people left were my friend and another guy. Who somehow invited himself out for dinner with us.

Which fine, I was okay with. The whole point of the event was to meet someone. He had driven into the city from another suburb, so he probably didn’t want to go home right away.

He had a car, but we called an Uber to take us to the Bier Markt. Which ended up being only a short walk away. Really, we could have either used his car to drive five minutes over, or we could have walked.

We all ordered some food, had more drinks, and discussed how complicated dating is.

And then, that was it.

My verdict?

I don’t know. Was it worth it? Sure? I mean, it wasn’t super horrible. Nothing super awkward happened. Maybe if it was more organized, like with some ice breakers, it would have been easier to mingle? Although I guess the whole point of an unstructured event is for us adults to introduce ourselves.

But I found it weird that some people were just there, and just left so easily when it was over. Maybe they just didn’t see anyone worth introducing themselves to?

I still haven’t joined Match. I really should, but UGH dating is so hard.

Me and my friend made plans to attend two other events in March, but then she broke her arm and I sprained my neck.

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Conclusion: dating is HARD.

Result: I am STILL SINGLE.

 

These Things Only Happen to Me #8756 aka There Must Be A Story In That #4445

When someone asks me to list the weirdest thing that happened to me and I’m taken back to the time we had multiple spies working in our office and our boss left and we went out for drinks and he was Irish and obsessed with Whiskey shots and we sat there doing whiskey shots and then my coworker noticed that one of the guys from our department kept tossing his shots over his shoulder instead of drinking it…

Cheaper Gas: Is it worth it?

I was driving in an area I don’t usually go to (Weston/401), and stumbled upon a gas station with prices listed a full 4 cents below the usual gas station I fill up at.

My reaction:

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I know it’s only 4 cents. But since the price of everything else is starting to creep up, I’m slowly learning that every penny counts. My heartbeat accelerated and hope surged through my veins. Is this it? Have I found the glorious secret gas station that has actual cheaper gas?

I get out of my car and start filling up my car. As I’m standing there, a giant SUV pulls up to the pump beside me. A woman gets out and starts pumping her own gas. All normal, right?

I thought so. Until I heard shouting coming from a truck driver who was parked off to the side.

“Hey, lady! What are you doing???”

Completely oblivious, I glance around. Me? Is he talking to me? I’m just pumping gas. Am I doing it wrong?

It takes me a few seconds to realize he isn’t shouting at me. He leaves his truck and starts waving wildly at the woman across from me. “You can’t do that, are you crazy?”

By now, I’ve filled up my car and am heading into the booth to pay for my gas. That’s when I notice a giant pool of gas collecting under the woman’s car in the gas bay right beside me!

Truck Driver Guy is still shouting at her. She’s shouting back at him. “My gas tank has a tiny hole in it, I just need to fill up as much as I can to drive to get it fixed!”

Lady. That is more than just a tiny hole

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She’s literally pumping gas into a tank that is emptying the gas onto the pavement under her car!

I get inside and the truck driver’s friend runs in, shouting at the attendant. “You’d better get sand out there, this lady’s leaking gas everywhere!” They run outside, leaving me no choice but to toss my cash onto the counter, jump into my car, and floor it before the entire place blows up from a spark.

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Lesson learned: things are cheaper for a reason. And it’s not always worth it to drive ten minutes further just to get cheaper gas if it means having to deal with crazy drama.

Welcome to Mercury Retrograde!

Ever notice that four times in a year, all communications go haywire? The subway stops running (moreso than usual), you accidentally reply-all saying YAS to afterwork drinks, or your date tells you he wants to see you again but you interpret it to mean he doesn’t want to see you again, and then months later he says you ghosted him when you thought it was his fault?

Well, my friends, that is called Mercury Retrograde. It’s when four times a year for several weeks, mercury, the mighty ruler of communication, travel and electronics, appears to be traveling backwards in the sky. And it is not friendly.

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Me, during mercury retrograde

The final mercury retrograde of 2017 runs from December 3rd to 23rd. Perfect! Let’s end this already shitty year with a disastrous bang.

It’s already hit me so far. On Thursday night, I was driving my brand new 2017 Chevy Cruze when something popped up on my display.

“Why is my car telling me to check my oil when I literally just changed my oil?” I asked.

My friend leaned over. “Oh, no.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s the Check Engine light. That’s not good.”

My heart sank. I literally bought a new car in May for the sole reason to avoid the dreaded reoccurring Check Engine light that kept popping up on my 1992 Dodge Colt. This was supposed to mean no more problems. So how can I be six months into owning a new car, and already be having an issue with it?

So, the next day, I ditched out of work and brought it to the dealer. Which is the worst, since the dealer has the same coffee machine as we have at work, so the coffee tastes like being at work.

I was ready to yell and scream about how my brand new car should not be having problems. But they were really friendly, and they fixed it.

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Life would be better if dogs were mechanics

Now I’m still worried that I may have bought a lemon, and that I’m probably going to be screwed after the warranty is up. Hopefully this was just a manufacturing defect that was caught early, and it will be smooth sailing from here.

This is just the start of Mercury Retrograde….let’s hope nothing else wild happens.

Stay safe out there and make sure you double-check any emails you write!

I ran into an online friend IRL

In this world of Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, I have a solid network of friends: My online friends, and my real life friends. My real life friends are the people I met in school. We go out for drinks and go dancing and moan about our lives together. My online friends discuss the Leafs and CFL football with me and like all my photos on Instagram.

Twenty years ago, I was heavily into Livejournal (oh my god, was that really 20 years ago??? I feel so old!). I made six really close friends who, after the death of LJ, followed me to my various online social networks and we’ve stayed friends ever since. They almost know me better than my current IRL friends, because they were there with me through school, bad boyfriends, and work dramas.

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This was totally us

Last weekend I was shopping with my mom and we decided to stop into Taco Bell for some grub. I walk right in and stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting inside was one of my old LJ friends! I now have her on Facebook and Instagram, where she likes all my photos and shares all my memes. I had never met her IRL before, and she doesn’t live in my area, so it was quite a surprise. I was hit with this confusion: do I go and say hi to her? Will she even recognize me from my selfies? She was with her family, and I was like, do they know how active she is online, or does she hide her online identity from them the way I hide mine?

Thankfully, as I was having a crisis, she called out my name and waved me over. We had tacos together and caught up. Yes, it was totally awkward. But it was still a pretty cool experience. I felt like I was meeting a celebrity. This was a person who I only knew through Instagram selfies and Facebook rants, and now I was meeting her in person and she was the exact same person online. Even weirder, she was with her husband and two children, and I felt like I knew them as well, because she posts so many pictures of them.

It’s definitely a small world. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, either. Still, it was pretty cool and I’m glad I got to meet her. And it’s proof that Taco Bell brings everyone together.

 

 

 

 

Prompt: The Accidental (?) Boob Grab

Prompt: Tell us about a time someone accidentally grabbed your boobs.

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Okay. So there I was, walking down Bay Street, heading back to work after lunch. I was late, of course, because I had to pause to visit the LCBO on my way back. I was rushing like Usain Bolt to get back to my desk before my boss decides she prefers my desk to be empty, which caused me to dart in between the slowpokes. In front of me, a man was talking with a lady. They were so engrossed with their conversation that they were not in any hurry to get anywhere and clearly were in my way.

I rudely darted in front of the man so I could pass them at the light. The light was red. As I took a step forward, he took a step forward. Our bodies collided. Instinctively, his hand went up to pat my shoulder as he apologized. Accidentally, his hand landed riiiiight on my boob.

It was not a soft graze. It was a full on, palm flat against my breast. But it was totally accidental. Which is what made it so hilarious. Especially the look of horror on his face as he realized what he did.

The light turned green and I bolted forward. Both humiliated and amused.

 

Job Interview Nightmare #76

This job interview was the worst. And I’ve had a lot of bad ones.

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The job posting I applied to was for a start-up looking for a content editor. Writing deals for the website and publishing content? Awesome, that sounded like something I could do! My confidence was at an all-time high as I left the door.

I hadn’t had a job interview in awhile, so the professional black blazer I wore was a bit snug as I buttoned it up. But, oh well, it would do.

I sat down with the CEO and the Content Manager. Right away, they ask how my CSS, Java and PHP skills are, along with another list of random acronyms I’ve never dealt with in my entire life.

“I thought this was for a content writing job?” My voice squeaked. None of that was in the job posting. If it had been, I wouldn’t have applied. And if I had those skills, they would have been in my resume. Did nobody look at my resume?

“Sorry, we are looking for these particular qualifications,” the CEO said. “You are probably not the right fit.”

I stood, stunned, and gathered my untouched writing portfolio from the table. Just as I leaned forward, my stomach expanded slightly, and the button on my blazer popped off.

Like, it literally popped off. Flew up in the air, landed on the table, bounced, hit the floor, and rolled into the corner.

Everyone stared at the button, watching it. Horrified, my face flushed, I shook hands, thanked them for their time, and ran out of the room without collecting my button. Maybe if I didn’t acknowledge that it happened, it hadn’t happened.

Two days later I got a call from the Content Manager. “We found someone for the content editor position you interviewed for, but another writing job has opened up at another app we are working on. We would like to offer you the job.”

I think they felt sorry for me. I took the job.

I wanted to get my button back.

 

 

 

These Things Only Happen to Me: Rolling Fruit Edition

It’s the Tuesday after a long weekend. On my way back to my desk from the kitchen, I’m carrying two mandarin oranges and a cup of tea. I casually stroll past my crush’s office, planning a sexy smile and wave if he looks up from my desk.

But no, Crush1 (yes, he is one of many) has his back turned. Half asleep and unprepared, an orange slides from my hand. I watch in horror as it rolls and rolls and rolls across the hall. Please bypass his office, I beg the errant orange. Please don’t roll into his office!

The orange hates me. It rolls into his office.

From the hallway, I watch as my fruit rolls to a complete stop under his desk. Crush1 is completely oblivious.

I’m frozen. I have two choices.

a) Run away back to my desk and hide in shame. Pretend it never happened. After it starts to rot and smell funny, he’ll look down and find a random orange and have no idea where it came from.

b) Rescue my orange!

I’m not known for making the smartest decisions. I decide to go after the orange. Besides, I wouldn’t want him to get sick from the pungent stink of a rotten random fruit. I’m also worried for his sanity. What’ll he think, random people are hiding oranges under his desk?

I creep into his office. So far, so good. His back is still turned to me. Maybe he won’t notice if I bent down, snatch the orange, flee to my desk, and-

“What are you doing!?”

Dammit. Crush1 has spun around and sees me creeping into his office.

“My orange.” I bend over, snatch it, and wave it in the air. “It rolled.”

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If you need me, I’ll be under my desk. Laughing and crying.

These things only happen to me, I swear.

 

 

 

 

Awkward Subway Moment #4382

I swear the most awkwardest things in the world always happen to me.

I am literally this all the time:

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The other day, I was on the subway rushing home after work, crammed into a subway car. We stop at a station, and the guy standing in front of me tries to get off the train.

But he couldn’t. My scarf had gotten stuck in the zipper of his backpack.

(I was wearing a scarf I bought in Ukraine, that looks like this:)

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Somehow, one of the tassels got right into the part of the zipper, and he couldn’t get off! He was literally trying to drag me off the train with him. I tried desperately to pull it out, but it was really jammed in there. The more I panicked, the harder it was to pull it out.

The doors closed, and he missed his stop.

By the next stop, we both managed to get it out and he got off at the next stop. But I was absolutely MORTIFIED.

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At least the guy was really really really nice about it. I’m surprised he didn’t punch me in the face.

Too bad he wasn’t cute. That would’ve been quite a story, right?

“How did you two meet?”

“On the subway. My scarf was so attracted to him, it didn’t want to let him go.”

Winter Jays

The mid-January blahs are starting to hit me.

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My solution to escape the frigid cold?

I went skating during my lunch hour at work.

I’m one of those people you hate – I love winter. I love the crisp air, the frostbite that burns my cheeks, and the fact that everyone else is usually hiding.

Some of it sucked, though. The wind was burning my eyes, so they were watering, and I nearly slammed into a dozen kids on the ice. I had to pull on sweatpants in the changeroom surrounded by random tourists, and did I mention I don’t actually know how to stop on the ice?

The best part about today?

I WAS JOINED BY ACE!!!!!!!!!!!

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ACE!!! The Blue Jays mascot!!!

Literally the highlight of my week. MONTH.

Look at his fancy moves:

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There’s a lesson in this. Get outside and do shit. You never know who you might run into!