An Open Letter to the TTC

Dear TTC*,

Happy New Year to you too. What’s that, you got me a present to celebrate the dawn of 2016? Awwww that’s so sweet of you, you shouldn’t have. Let me take a second to guess what it is. Could it be a bottle of Moët & Chandon Dom Perignon Charles & Diana 1961?

Oh right. This is Toronto we’re talking about.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but I’d like to return this “gift” of yours to me, a goddamn motherfucking fare hike.

Yes, I know, it’s only an extra quarter. But suddenly one day you find yourself standing in front of Union Station in the cold with 3 dollars in your pocket and no quarter. Suddenly you break out in a sweat because you find yourself begging strangers for one extra quarter.

(By you, I mean me. And yes, that actually happened. Thanks to the random lady who smiled at me sympathetically and gave me two quarters, thinking I was homeless.)

Okay, Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. You did, after all, introduce early Sunday service.

To which my first reaction was: WTF? The subway never opened on Sundays until 9 a.m.? Are you freaking kidding me??? What about all those people who actually need to be somewhere on a Sunday morning? (Not me, of course. My Sundays are usually spent hungover.)

Since I know you so well, of course I wasn’t shocked that you left people standing in the cold outside of locked stations until about 8:15 a.m.

What’s that sound? That’s me, laughing and crying at the same time. And digging into the depths of my piggy bank for extra quarters.

I am hereby putting you on notice, TTC. If this fare hike doesn’t help you get your shit together, I’m going to get my shit together and get my driver’s licence.

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Yeah, who am I kidding? Take my money, TTC. Just take it.

Warmest Regards,


*(For those who don’t hail from The Six, TTC stands for Toronto Transit Commission**)

**(It also stands for Take The Car)