Happy New Year to you too. What’s that, you got me a present to celebrate the dawn of 2016? Awwww that’s so sweet of you, you shouldn’t have. Let me take a second to guess what it is. Could it be a bottle of Moët & Chandon Dom Perignon Charles & Diana 1961?
Oh right. This is Toronto we’re talking about.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but I’d like to return this “gift” of yours to me, a goddamn motherfucking fare hike.
Yes, I know, it’s only an extra quarter. But suddenly one day you find yourself standing in front of Union Station in the cold with 3 dollars in your pocket and no quarter. Suddenly you break out in a sweat because you find yourself begging strangers for one extra quarter.
(By you, I mean me. And yes, that actually happened. Thanks to the random lady who smiled at me sympathetically and gave me two quarters, thinking I was homeless.)
Okay, Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh. You did, after all, introduce early Sunday service.
To which my first reaction was: WTF? The subway never opened on Sundays until 9 a.m.? Are you freaking kidding me??? What about all those people who actually need to be somewhere on a Sunday morning? (Not me, of course. My Sundays are usually spent hungover.)
Since I know you so well, of course I wasn’t shocked that you left people standing in the cold outside of locked stations until about 8:15 a.m.
What’s that sound? That’s me, laughing and crying at the same time. And digging into the depths of my piggy bank for extra quarters.
I am hereby putting you on notice, TTC. If this fare hike doesn’t help you get your shit together, I’m going to get my shit together and get my driver’s licence.
Yeah, who am I kidding? Take my money, TTC. Just take it.
*(For those who don’t hail from The Six, TTC stands for Toronto Transit Commission**)
**(It also stands for Take The Car)