Welcome to Mercury Retrograde!

Ever notice that four times in a year, all communications go haywire? The subway stops running (moreso than usual), you accidentally reply-all saying YAS to afterwork drinks, or your date tells you he wants to see you again but you interpret it to mean he doesn’t want to see you again, and then months later he says you ghosted him when you thought it was his fault?

Well, my friends, that is called Mercury Retrograde. It’s when four times a year for several weeks, mercury, the mighty ruler of communication, travel and electronics, appears to be traveling backwards in the sky. And it is not friendly.

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Me, during mercury retrograde

The final mercury retrograde of 2017 runs from December 3rd to 23rd. Perfect! Let’s end this already shitty year with a disastrous bang.

It’s already hit me so far. On Thursday night, I was driving my brand new 2017 Chevy Cruze when something popped up on my display.

“Why is my car telling me to check my oil when I literally just changed my oil?” I asked.

My friend leaned over. “Oh, no.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s the Check Engine light. That’s not good.”

My heart sank. I literally bought a new car in May for the sole reason to avoid the dreaded reoccurring Check Engine light that kept popping up on my 1992 Dodge Colt. This was supposed to mean no more problems. So how can I be six months into owning a new car, and already be having an issue with it?

So, the next day, I ditched out of work and brought it to the dealer. Which is the worst, since the dealer has the same coffee machine as we have at work, so the coffee tastes like being at work.

I was ready to yell and scream about how my brand new car should not be having problems. But they were really friendly, and they fixed it.

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Life would be better if dogs were mechanics

Now I’m still worried that I may have bought a lemon, and that I’m probably going to be screwed after the warranty is up. Hopefully this was just a manufacturing defect that was caught early, and it will be smooth sailing from here.

This is just the start of Mercury Retrograde….let’s hope nothing else wild happens.

Stay safe out there and make sure you double-check any emails you write!

I ran into an online friend IRL

In this world of Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, I have a solid network of friends: My online friends, and my real life friends. My real life friends are the people I met in school. We go out for drinks and go dancing and moan about our lives together. My online friends discuss the Leafs and CFL football with me and like all my photos on Instagram.

Twenty years ago, I was heavily into Livejournal (oh my god, was that really 20 years ago??? I feel so old!). I made six really close friends who, after the death of LJ, followed me to my various online social networks and we’ve stayed friends ever since. They almost know me better than my current IRL friends, because they were there with me through school, bad boyfriends, and work dramas.

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This was totally us

Last weekend I was shopping with my mom and we decided to stop into Taco Bell for some grub. I walk right in and stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting inside was one of my old LJ friends! I now have her on Facebook and Instagram, where she likes all my photos and shares all my memes. I had never met her IRL before, and she doesn’t live in my area, so it was quite a surprise. I was hit with this confusion: do I go and say hi to her? Will she even recognize me from my selfies? She was with her family, and I was like, do they know how active she is online, or does she hide her online identity from them the way I hide mine?

Thankfully, as I was having a crisis, she called out my name and waved me over. We had tacos together and caught up. Yes, it was totally awkward. But it was still a pretty cool experience. I felt like I was meeting a celebrity. This was a person who I only knew through Instagram selfies and Facebook rants, and now I was meeting her in person and she was the exact same person online. Even weirder, she was with her husband and two children, and I felt like I knew them as well, because she posts so many pictures of them.

It’s definitely a small world. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, either. Still, it was pretty cool and I’m glad I got to meet her. And it’s proof that Taco Bell brings everyone together.

 

 

 

 

Smells Like Teen Spirit

So apparently today is the 25th anniversary of Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Go ahead, feel old.

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I was in Grade 5 when this song was hugely popular. My biggest memory was when my class participated in the school’s talent show. Our teacher wanted us to do a Beauty and the Beast themed dance. Instead, we convinced him to let us dance on stage to Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit.

It’s amazing, but I still remember the entire dance sequence. I have no memory of who choreographed the whole thing, but it was pretty awesome. I guess this was before digital cameras, so it’s not up on Youtube anywhere.

Back then, our school principal was SUPER STRICT and from the Old Country, and he didn’t allow us to wear jeans to school on non-uniform days, which added up to what, 10 days a year. So almost nobody in my class owned jeans. For our dance, we all had to wear the same outfit of a baggy white tee and ripped jeans.

But none of us owned jeans!!!

How weird is that? Looking back, I sure had a weird childhood.

We had to go around from class to class, begging people to let us borrow their jeans.

It was the best dance out of the entire show.

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My other hilarious memory relating to this song?

There was, strangely enough, another girl named Zoriana in my school. She had a journal filled with her obsession about Kurt Cobain. One day, she forgot it on the subway. Some guys from my school found it and thought it was mine. I came in to school and they’d plastered the pages all over my locker, complete with cartoon kisses all over the pages.

I just stood there, thinking, what the shit??

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

 

Year of the Wine

When I make a promise, I stick to it. Well, most of the time.

My quest for 2016 was to drink a glass of red wine every night to stave off a string of bad colds.

I’ve never been a fan of red wine though, so my mission is to also find a type of red wine that I actually like.

Nearing the end of the first month of January, I’ve decided the winner is:

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REVOLUTION RED.

Is it the bold flavour? The smoothness of the taste? The kick-ass marketing campaign?

Nope. It’s because it’s a friggin screw top.

Like seriously nothing is worse than having to work hard for your wine with a corkscrew. You have no clue how many times that has gone wrong for me. Remind me one day to tell you the infamous story about the WINE ON THE CEILING. Or the $200 bottle of wine that my crush gifted me with that I wrecked. That’s right – it was because of the goddamn corkscrew.

I get screwed enough by life on a daily basis. Now gimme my wine and let me go to bed.

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(I’ve had a bad week, if you can’t tell….)

Resolution Solution

What’s your resolution for 2016?

I failed mine in 2015, which was to get my driver’s licence.

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Yeah…let’s be real now, the world is probably a safer place without me behind the wheel.

My BFF helped me put together my resolution for 2016. The best thing is, I think it’s actually doable.

Since I’m always always ALWAYS sick, she’s a big believer that having one glass of wine every night will help boost my immune system.

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I mean, if it’s on the internet, it’s legit, right?

(I may struggle with the whole “moderate” part…)

Coffee morning is becoming boring

Five years ago, while working at my first marketing job, I had to call a hundred bank managers in the province, interview them, and then write a bio that went into a brochure that they handed out to clients.

Sounds boring, right? I actually fucking loved it. It took me way way way out of my comfort zone, because I really hate talking to people. I still do. But all I had to do was read a few questions, jot down some notes, and type up a short blurb. After a few interviews, I realized some of these people were actually interesting, and these interviews became more like just great conversations, where complete strangers were opening up to me.

I’ll never forget one guy who worked out of the main bank office on Bay Street. At the end of the interview he said, “Hey, if you’re ever in the Financial District, feel free to give me a ring and we’ll meet for some coffee.”

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I laughed it off at the time, thanked him politely, and hung up the phone.

Maybe I doubted his sincerity. Or my own social awkwardness stopped me from even wanting to meet this strange guy for a coffee.

Five years later, I can’t help but wonder, if I ever found this guy’s number and gave him a ring, would he still want to meet up for some coffee?

Office Partttttty

I am so not looking forward to my office’s Holiday Party that’s happening on Thursday.

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At the last office party I went to, I ended up telling my one boss that I hated working for him. And then I tried to strangle my other boss.

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#FML #Awkward #HowWasINotFired #TheyKeepMeForTheLaughs