Dating is hard. Filling out a dating profile is harder.
The blank text box taunts me. It also reflects me: blank.
Tell us about yourself. Hobbies, interests, activities.
The struggle is real. Who has time for hobbies? When I come home after the daily grind of work, I’m too tired to do anything. I pull shut the curtains, turn on Netflix, and lose myself in endless hours of contrived programming until I drift asleep. During the day I browse all the recipes on Tasty that look so easy to make, and I tell myself that this is it, this is the day I make myself an impressive One-Pot Chicken Fajita Pasta, or maybe give myself a little kick with some Buffalo Fried Calamari, and one day, my Instagram feed with definitely be drooling over my Cincinnati Chili Spaghetti.
But not tonight.
Tonight I’m doing this, filling out this dating profile that I only bought a membership for because it was half-priced on Groupon. Prompted by my bestie, who would get a double discount if she bought it along with my friend, I couldn’t say no. I need to get back into the dating game, I told myself. What happened with Justin was an isolated incident. It will never happen again. Not all men are like that. There has to be one man out there for me, someone who will click with me.
The prompts taunt me. Tell us about yourself. What are your dreams and aspirations?
My dreams and aspirations?
I type my response into the text field.
Aimless. I am aimless. If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be aimless. I have no direction. No hopes and aspirations. I did, once upon a time, but they got crushed. Now I wake up every morning and toil away at a job I hate, to pay for a condo I hate, and I’m trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle, with no exit to take to get out.
I re-read what I just wrote, and then delete it all. No, that’s not right. I’m not completely aimless.
I’m looking for someone. And something.
And I’ll never stop searching until I find my direction.
It’s one of the simplest questions people ask writers: Why do you write?
It’s the same reason why I read: to escape.
I’m one of those people who can’t stop thinking. My mind never shuts off. I’m always thinking what if I did this different? Why did I do that yesterday? What if I said this instead of that? Etc., it never ends.
But once I’m reading or writing, it gives my mind something else to focus on. Someone else to obsess about. I just recently finished reading a book called Wreck and Order, and all I could think throughout it was whew, thank god there is someone out there who has a worse life than I do. If reading for one hour takes my mind off of how crappy my day was, even for 40 minutes during my commute home, then it’s worth it.
And that’s how it is with writing. When I start to zone out and my mind starts it’s endless parade of troubled thoughts, it helps me to create characters in my head whose lives are worse than mine, and it’s therapeutic to think what if? over and over about their lives, instead of mine.
And nothing beats opening up my Word document and spending time alone with my characters, who become like my friends.
That’s why, even if nobody ever reads anything I ever write, I will still continue writing.
I write because I need to.
Does anyone remember the TV show Train 48? I absolutely loved this show back in around 2003, and now that I look at that wiki page, I’m actually shocked it went on until 2005! I thought it was only on for a year…
The basic format of the show was a bunch of commuters meet on their daily train home. It was filmed every day on that day so they would talk about topical news/pop culture things, as well as carrying on characterization and plot points. It was quite interesting at the time, just because it broke a lot of conventions and it was just addicting to come home and sit down and watch these characters who oddly started to feel like friends.
I just recently remembered back to this show because I’ve started taking the GO Train home, where this show was set.
Basically while every normal person out there is Netflix Marathoning Game of Thrones, I’m sitting here lamenting the fact that I can’t find this show online ANYWHERE!
The only thing on Youtube is this clip:
Which has all 3 of my favourite characters.
And this was the awesome theme song:
Come on, cruel and unfair world…get me this show!! I would actually pay money for it, too!
Nostalgia is a tricky thing though. What if I watch it and it’s not as awesome as I remembered it to be?