Awkward Subway Moment #4382

I swear the most awkwardest things in the world always happen to me.

I am literally this all the time:

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The other day, I was on the subway rushingΒ home after work, crammed into a subway car. We stop at a station, and the guy standing in front of me tries to get off the train.

But he couldn’t. My scarf had gotten stuck in the zipper of his backpack.

(I was wearing a scarf I bought in Ukraine, that looks like this:)

$_35

Somehow, one of the tassels got right into the part of the zipper, and he couldn’t get off! He was literally trying to drag me off the train with him. I tried desperately to pull it out, but it was really jammed in there. The more I panicked, the harder it was to pull it out.

The doors closed, and he missed his stop.

By the next stop, we both managed to get it out and he got off at the next stop. But I was absolutely MORTIFIED.

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At least the guy was really really really nice about it. I’m surprised he didn’t punch me in the face.

Too bad he wasn’t cute. That would’ve been quite a story, right?

“How did you two meet?”

“On the subway. My scarf was so attracted to him, it didn’t want to let him go.”

Year of the Wine

When I make a promise, I stick to it. Well, most of the time.

My quest for 2016 was to drink a glass of red wine every night to stave off a string of bad colds.

I’ve never been a fan of red wine though, so my mission is to also find a type of red wine that I actually like.

Nearing the end of the first month of January, I’ve decided the winner is:

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REVOLUTION RED.

Is it the bold flavour? The smoothness of the taste? The kick-ass marketing campaign?

Nope. It’s because it’s a friggin screw top.

Like seriously nothing is worse than having to work hard for your wine with a corkscrew. You have no clue how many times that has gone wrong for me. Remind me one day to tell you the infamous story about the WINE ON THE CEILING. Or the $200 bottle of wine that my crush gifted me with that I wrecked. That’s right – it was because of the goddamn corkscrew.

I get screwed enough by life on a daily basis. Now gimme my wine and let me go to bed.

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(I’ve had a bad week, if you can’t tell….)

Nostalgia

Who is LOVING the X-Files reboot?!

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I definitely am.

I grew up on X-Files, and watching all the old episodes all weekend long leading up to the premier on Sunday reminded me just how good the series was.

Is it just me, or were TV shows REALLY awesome in the 90s?

Or is it just nostalgia, making everything seem better?

Does anyone remember the show Nowhere Man?

It was very similar to the tone of X-Files, packed with conspiracies and stolen identity and government cover-ups.

This show was awesome.

Unfortunately, it was cancelled after the first season. So we never found out what happened to Tom Veil.

My biggest memory of this show was that it never actually aired in Canada. We had it on a channel from the USA, and it was only on at midnight on a Monday.

Think about that. I was 13 years old, in Grade 8. And my dad would let me stay up late on a Monday to watch this show.

If you’re ever wondering where my insomnia comes from, it’s probably questionable parenting.

But man, what a show.

The 90s were so awesome.

Book Review: Smoke by Catherine McKenzie

Why I picked it up

I’ve read other books by Catherine McKenzie before, Spin and Forgotten, and I enjoyed them, so I figured I’d try this one too. It’s about a Elizabeth, an ex-firefighter, who is dealing with an impending divorce while a forest fire threatens to engulf their town. πŸ”₯

Yay

The storyline about the fire and the arson investigation added a deeper level of drama to the typical “my relationship is unraveling” storyline, especially with the tension towards the end. I have to admit I am slightly obsessed with natural disasters (sorry, I know that’s weird), and especially how people come together in a crisis, or are torn apart, so I appreciated that part of the story. Also, loved Catherine’s detailed depiction of the setting. πŸ‘πŸ»

Nay

I start off the book following the main character, Elizabeth, telling us her story in first person narration. Several chapters in, the narration switches to third person narration, following another character, Elizabeth’s ex-best friend, named Mindy.

My reaction:

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Multiple narratives are one of my biggest pet peeves. Sometimes it works very, very well, but most of the time? No. Just no. I need a warning, thanks. Lol.

I’ll admit, I am a lazy reader. I want to get close to one main character and experience everything they go through. When I have to actively pay attention and switch from different narrators and narrative styles, it just bugs me. It’s also probably because I read predominantly while commuting, so I read during my morning commute and my evening commute. After an entire workday, I get on the subway, pick up my book, and want to continue the story from the morning. But when narrators switch like this, I’ll be momentarily confused and be all “Wait was this Elizabeth or Mindy I was reading?” And that just gets annoying after awhile.

My other confusing thing about this book was the location. In the beginning, Nelson is said to be in the Northern Rockies. So okay, that would mean Canada, right? But later, throughout the book, there are sheriffs and other American references, leaving me to assume it was actually set in the USA. Totally not important to the storyline, but something I noticed.

Fave Quote

“You’re going to admit defeat?” I said.
“Never surrender.”
I laughed. “Oh my god, Core yHart.”
“What now?”
“Corey Hart. The ‘Sunglasses at Night’ guy? We’ve talked about this before.”

This book should get 5 stars just for a COREY MOTHERFUCKING HART REFERENCE!!!!

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

(Seriously I love this song, lmao.)

P.S. I read this answer to a question about the book on Goodreads before reading the book and I was like wow, this book is going to be more literary than I expected it to be. I read through the entire book waiting for a boy’s transition from living in the Mississippi to a man and the world’s establishment and their crushing the working class.

Capture

 Β―\_(ツ)_/Β― 

 

 

 

Winter Jays

The mid-January blahs are starting to hit me.

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My solution to escape the frigid cold?

I went skating during my lunch hour at work.

I’m one of those people you hate – I love winter. I love the crisp air, the frostbite that burns my cheeks, and the fact that everyone else is usually hiding.

Some of it sucked, though. The wind was burning my eyes, so they were watering, and I nearly slammed into a dozen kids on the ice. I had to pull on sweatpants in the changeroom surrounded by random tourists, and did I mention I don’t actually know how to stop on the ice?

The best part about today?

I WAS JOINED BY ACE!!!!!!!!!!!

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ACE!!! The Blue Jays mascot!!!

Literally the highlight of my week. MONTH.

Look at his fancy moves:

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There’s a lesson in this. Get outside and do shit. You never know who you might run into!

 

 

 

Sidewalk Sale

Hide yo’ purses, hide yo’ wallets…it’s that time of year again. The PATH sidewalk sales!

It’s the worst. It’s impossible to avoid, because it’s too cold to walk outside. The only way to get from my workplace to the subway is to navigate through throngs of people who walk too slow, suits who talk too loud, and tables crowded with things 50% off.

I need to wear blinders, need to shield myself from the mountains of shoes, scented lotions, bins of bling, and the NEON GREEN SHOES.

DID YOU SAY NEON GREEN SHOES?

YES. OMG.

FML. I caved.

They’re mine.

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Let’s all hope I’m still employed by the spring…

Or Perhaps

At work I received the RANDOMEST spam email ever.

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From: cauliflower please

Subject: …enjoy!

Message:

banking on eating well…

or perhaps

the cauliflower will be devoured one flowerette per day…

We will be boiling the leaves and roots, and rediscovering all manner of wild veggies!

—-

Okay now. Settle down, Mr. Cauliflower Spambot.

I get it that there’s been issues in the news lately about the soaring price of cauliflower. This e-mail probably has something to do with that.

Things I love about this e-mail:

  • poetic formatting
  • the title asking me to enjoy! As if I wouldn’t enjoy random vegetable poetry!
  • hilarious title (cauliflower, PLEASE)
  • dramatic pause of the second line (OR PERHAPS!!!)
  • random usage of ellipses
  • flowery language (devoured one flowerette per day…)
  • suggestive ending (rediscovering all manner of wild veggies!)

I’ve read this email/poem 10 times already today. I seriously can’t stop laughing. I actually printed it out and pinned it to my wall.

What does it even MEAN?!!?

It almost sounds like some kind of threat.

Maybe I’ve stumbled onto some kind of covert spy instructions.

My mission, if I chose to accept it, is to devour the cauliflower, boil the leaves and roots, and find out where the gold is buried.

#ThereMustBeAStoryInThereSomewhere

Fresh Breath Bandit – Creative Writing Prompt

Okay here’s another news story that made me LOL.

Guy Steals $1,500 worth of chewing gum

My favourite things about this:

  • He just casually strolls out of the store with his loot in a giant garbage bag
  • He steals all the items just an aisle away from a worker – ballsy!
  • HE COMES BACK AND STEALS MORE. BALLSY.
  • He stole CHEWING GUM.

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I have sooooo many questions (as I’m sure the police do, too).

Does he have a gum fetish?

A gum addiction?

Is he running some black market chewing gum ring?

DID HE GIVE GUM TO EVERYONE ON HIS CHRISTMAS SHOPPING LIST?!?!

(Imagine a huge family gathering, unwrapping their presents. “What did you get?” “Gum.” “SAME!” “Wtf?!”)

Does he have some random illness that causes severe bad breath?

Does his crush love that brand of chewing gum so he decided to make a romantic gesture to win her love by swiping all the gum for her???

Was he making some kind of epic chewing gum related art project?

I feel like this would make a great story.

ALSO…imagine being the person working at the checkout, who completely missed this guy walking in and out of the store TWICE with GIANT BAGS FILLED WITH ALL THE CHEWING GUM!!!

Did they get fired????

Imagine a character stealing something else really random in a large quantity.

Toronto The Good

Okay, I love this story.

Good Samaritan found your cash, bought you Powerball tickets

TL;DR: Guy from Toronto travels to the USA to buy a powerball ticket. Outside the gas station, he finds an envelope stashed with cash and a list of names (with Canadian dollars). Oh, the horror – someone lost the cash while buying for a lottery pool (the office must hate him now, right?).

So what did this guy do? The right thing, of course. He bought $350 worth of powerball tickets on behalf of the mystery people.

They only won $32, so he used that money to buy them some additional lotto tickets (in Canada).

I like when people do nice things.

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Anyway, I hope he finds the Lost Lotto Pool People.

Can you imagine if he actually won the jackpot with those tickets?

That would make a great story…hmm..

#ThereMustBeaStoryThere